Old men and throwing up are my life now.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
