She announced her abortion via fbk
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
