That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
