how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
