How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
