i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
