PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
