Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize