don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
