I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
