chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
