do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
