just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
