He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
