did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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