We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
