Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
