It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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