Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Two words: blizzard sex
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
