I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
