It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
