My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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