We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
