I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize