Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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