You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
