I think im going to throw up on grandma
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
