Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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