She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize