You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize