I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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