You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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