the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
