dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
