go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
