kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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