Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
