Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
