you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Enjoy the penises
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize