She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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