I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
