Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize