Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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