the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
