Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm both gender and math confused
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
