no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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