Soap is not a condiment
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
