I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
