In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
