porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
