lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
