i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
