i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
