Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
