they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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