my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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