I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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