You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize