i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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