I met the friendliest cop last night
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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