I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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