Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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